Taking steps to stay.

I’m working on some new things! This is very different cause I am usually so complacent in my life choices.

I am looking into a new Job! I want to work with people who have special needs! This would be ideal. I love helping people and making a difference. If it all works out I would be doing overnights and making sure these clients are sleeping okay and helping them get ready for classes the next morning. I want this job so bad. Not just for the experience. But, also to be moved out of this hostile work area I am now in.

Also, I am starting to eat healthier and take more walks so as to be less sluggish. Things only worsen if you let them and I refuse to become unhealthy. I am not thin. I am “average” and Italian. Which means I have a tummy and a shapely figure (butt). That doesn’t mean I should just give up and accept what I was dealt. I can make better choices in what I eat and how much time I spend on Netflix😩 running is my friend.

I hope all who are following show me as much support as possible!

I love sharing my journey to bettering myself with you!


Hi my name is leah….

And I have social anxiety.

I didn’t try to become this way.

I was such an outgoing child/teen. But, ever since my twenties I can’t talk to people outside of my old circle of trust. If I do I can’t make myself hold eye contact after the hello.

Am I okay? I don’t know. It’s so strange cause I wanna be outgoing. I just don’t know how.

Every time I try to talk to people my breath catches and I have slight panic attacks.

People tell me “just branch out. It’s not that hard to talk to someone and make conversations.”

But, they don’t know how much it strains me to find words to speak without repeating myself 12 times.

We are cowards

We live in a generation of cowards.

Where we love together
Yet,cannot commit to marriage.

Where we voice our opinions
And yet refuse to see someone else’s

Where we can wear what we want
But,only if everyone else is wearing it

Where we are mocked for being sad
And cried over when we have died giving into the sadness

Where girls are raped
And boys are defended

Does anybody see a pattern here?

Do yo thang honey

Today, the shop girl at my job came in perfectly made up clothes cleaned and pressed always looking sharp.

Today, the office ladies came in. Clean and neat. New sandals and purses always looking respectable.

Today, I came in. Three days dirty khakis, hair out of the way. And I went the extra mile and showered this morning.

Your daily routine for work can differ depending on what you do.

I,myself find it impossible to look good and mop multiple floors. So I try to look as clean as I can and that’s pretty much as far as I go. Maybe Chapstick on my lips cause I plan on kissing my boyfriend when I clock out. But, that ends that.

And I know from the past that putting on makeup and doing my hair only gets ruined during a 8.5 hour shift of sweeping,mopping,dusting and sweating. But, I still feel like the ugly duckling at my job.

I am (in fact) the only female on the janitorial staff. The only person (for that matter) that cleans the main buildings. So it is understood that I will look disheveled every so often. But, when I pause mid mop and see the shop girls stroll In with clean stylish clothes, jewelry and (shoot) even heels on it can make me feel I little unacceptable.

I mean, I never even talk to these girls anyway. So,what does it matter?
It is because we were raised in a generation of people trying to prove their worth to complete strangers. How does this even make sense?

Does my family think I am beautiful?
Does my boyfriend think I am beautiful?
Do my best friends think I am beautiful?

So I need to stop worrying.
Cause, someday I will leave this job. And these people won’t even matter when that time comes.

And of they feel most beautiful when they are done up then good for them 😊I can only hope to be that confident with myself in the future.

And Reminding myself that I have nothing to prove to these strangers helps me from time to time. But it is a continuous act of reminding.

I am not alone in this feeling I know.

I am beautiful
And so are you

I wanna know.

I started this blog to get an outside opinion on the world. Using my personal sites would not give me the freedom to ask questions and get honest answers all the time.

Though I have started only a few days ago and have under 20 followers on here; I hope that everyone has followed me because they got something out of my posts. But, I would like to open the forum for opinions on things I am insure of.

Topic up for discussion today: physical scars. From a young age I have had a terrible habit of scratching open cuts and scrapes till they scarred over. I think it is because I always hated the thought of these ugly cuts marring my skin. It was very counterproductive though Because it would leave me with hideous scars that would never go away. To this day I still pick at my wounds.

constantly I am asked “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEGS!?”. Or “is that a rash? You have all these marks up our arm”.

My thought is that they are reminders. Because it shows that you have moved past something. Maybe learned something. (I should learn to stop picking) And,that they are to be cosmetically ignored. I personally would not want you pointing out my scars. That’s as bad as telling me I have gum in my hair. It is embarrassing and can hurt a lot.

So this is all to say if you see someone with a lot of scars look at the personality and not at their skin?

But, I wanna know what people think about scars? Wether they are from self injury or abuse. Do you think they are ugly? What is your first thought when you see someone with scars?


I am enough

I’m so tired of other peoples opinions in my life.

Lately it is all I seem to think or care about.

Will people think I’m strange if I sing along to the music in my headphones?
When they see me eating better do they wonder if it’s because I think I need to lose some weight?

Really, do they even care?

The best thing that anyone can do for themselves is to shut out opinions others have in their life. And make the right decision for themselves.

Sometimes the toughest choices are the easiest once you have made them.

I am not saying this cause I have learned it. I’m saying this cause I need to. My deep set anxiety keeps me paranoid of people thinking I’m trying to hard. Or not trying hard enough.

It’s a daily thing for me to shut out other voices and listen to the still small voice saying that I am enough and I don’t need to prove my worth.

You are enough. And nobody can tell you otherwise❤️

When dating is it okay to flirt with other people?

The title speaks for itself.

I thought if you were committed to somebody that it was a commitment to only them.
But,I’m finding out that a lot of people nowadays think it’s okay to tease and flirt with other people as long as they don’t “cheat”.
This is not okay.
Cheating in of itself is terrible. But,so is messing around with someone with no intentions of commitment. Especially if you are already serious with someone else. I love my boyfriend so much. The thought of me messing around and not telling him is not a problem right now. If it ever occurred I would hope I would handle it well and respect the relationship we have together. Same goes for him. I would be hurt deeply if I knew that he was flirting with other woman at his job.

Flirting itself means you are interested enough to want to see if they are interested back.

People have their own opinions on this subject I know. But, if it’s my relationship I really want complete honesty and dedication.